Craptacular Cover Chronicles #1: A Better Tomorrow (2010)

You'll have to bare with me if this new column seems a little unfocused as I'm essentially testing the waters with this and thought it would make an interesting new feature. As a long time fan of Asian Cinema I often find that when certain titles are released internationally they tend to suffer from god awful cover art. Whether it was Jackie Chan's head stuck on Sly Stallone's body for New Fist of Fury or guns being photoshopped in the hands of actors in order to sell the false notion that what the unwitting consumer is purchasing is an action film, we have had to look at these monstrosities shaming our beloved DVD/Blu-Ray shelves.

As fans we have to look at these horrible examples of "art" when really all they needed to do in some cases is simply translate the text and use the original. I know DVD covers are probably a good way for a person who worked hard for that graphic design degree to earn some scratch but really, sometimes it just works to leave well enough alone and trust the people who are buying the product. So with that little brief out of the way, the first cover in which I will cast a critical eye is the recent UK release for the Korean produced remake of John Woo's brilliant A Better Tomorrow.

Now, at first glance it doesn't look too bad. They've essentially used the same cast photos used on the original Korean DVD/Blu-Ray release but when you take a closer look you begin to see just how naughty it really is. First thing's first. They mention it's from the director of Red Cliff, Mission Impossible 2 and Face Off. Arguably Woo's most successful Hollywood films bar Red Cliff of course. It's not so much they mention these films but the way in which it's used falsely implies Woo was the director of this film. Had they put PRODUCED BY instead then they wouldn't have had to make such a ballsy move, which is there to entice people ready to part with their money. Don't get me wrong, I'm not stupid, I know how marketing works but it's when stuff like this happens that it really annoys me as a fan of Asian Cinema.

The next part which to me makes no sense whatsoever is the addition of 2012. Now, correct me if I'm wrong but this title was released way back in 2010. Over TWO YEARS AGO! I know titles sometimes take a while to find their way onto store shelves internationally (Which is why the majority of fans choose to import) but why the hell did they need to add 2012?! Was it because the film is a remake? If it is then that's just moronic because there have been countless remake released over past few years that felt comfortable enough just to stick with the original title. You didn't see The Italian Job released as The Italian Job 2003 because The Italian Job is all you NEED. People recognise the title, see it's a new version and go see it. They don't care what year it was released. Utterly pointless but it could be worse, in other territories they were given the even more rage inducing title of A Better Tomorrow 2K12. The letter K is often used to shorten down the four digit number but 2012 only contains one zero thus replacing it with the K is COMPLETELY POINTLESS!!!! and is just a pathetic attempt to make it look cool!

At least whoever designed this was smart enough to be honest about Woo's involvement with the film. Now moving from the front to the back.

You'll have to forgive the quality of the image. I could not locate an image of it online and lack the means to do a proper scan, so resorting to my phone camera was my only resort but where to start. First of all, the images are nice. Stills and a cast photo of the bloke playing K-Mark so it's not too bad but read the blurb. Go on. I'll wait.

Done?

Did you spot anything? Are you sure. Well, let me address it anyway. Whoever wrote this HAS NEVER SEEN THE ORIGINAL. Oh, you heard me correctly. Or at least not paid enough attention to the original story. Now when you read it, everything seems fine. They mention the fight between brothers. One of the central themes of A Better Tomorrow but then we see "Again they are separated as children" Wait...what?! separated as children? again?! as in it happened in the original?! No. No it did not. In the original Sung and Kit were never separated as children, they grew up together. Hell they loved each other in their own brotherly way until Sung ended up in jail and his life as a criminal was revealed to Kit, it's what caused the rift between them that sets the events of the film in motion for pity's sake!. They never were separated as children. You would think that kind of blundering error should have been removed. I haven't had this much of a headache reading a synopsis since reading Ric Meyer's DVD linear notes. It's clear whoever wrote this was told to just say it's like the original.

There's also all that other stuff you see on these types of covers "Asian action cinema at it's best" and "Greatest Asian shootout ever" and other such stomach churning garbage we have to put up with. And they STILL don't point that Woo isn't the director due to a complete lack of film credits. Something that's pretty much standard on home video releases since the days of Betamax! I've never bought a DVD from the label that released this, Los Banditos but you can rest assured if I find them involved with the release of any other title in the future I will not be buying it. 

So there we have it, the first of what will most definitely be many critical analyses of DVD/Blu-Ray cover art. Ah, I feel so much better now!

The Warrior's Way (2010)

In the late 19th Century an assassin Yang (Jang Dong Gun) is ordered to take the life of the last member of a rival clan. Only when Yang discovers that the last member is still a baby he flees to the American west with the child in hopes of creating a new life in the town of Lode. Only his new found life to disturbed when a disfigured criminal who calls himself The Colonel (Danny Huston) returns to terrorize the townsfolk. To make matters worse Yang's former clan appear in an attempt to rectify Yang's betrayal.

Having seen this film it has been quite a struggle to put into words just how exactly I feel about. However having thought about it for a couple of days now I feel confident enough to put my thoughts in the written word. Here we have a film which is attempting to meld spaghetti western films with Asian martial arts movies. Something we've already seen before in films such as Shanghai Noon and The Stranger And The Gun Fighter. Two films which knew when to play to it's strengths. Sadly that is not the case with The Warrior's Way. As someone who thoroughly enjoys both genre of film, the idea of putting the two together makes complete sense as they compliment each other very well. What the film fails to take into account is that in order to make it work you need a very strong cast, a decent enough story and a director who can bring it all together. 

You would be forgiven in thinking the film has those qualities when you watch the trailer or see the poster. However it is just such an underwhelming experience that I felt nothing but disappointment when the end credits began to roll. First of the all the cast just seem to have zero chemistry. Lead actor Jang Dong-Gun has and I'm not making this up, at least a dozen lines of dialogue throughout the whole movie. Instead choosing to communicate his feelings to the audience with confused looks and ever so subtle smirks which is a shame when you realise this is an actor who has appeared in such Korean cinematic classics Nowhere To Hide, Friend and Taegukgi.

Kate Bosworth plays the love interest Lynne and while I'll give the actress credit for trying her damnedest to look convincing during some action scenes and trying to salvage some kind of connection with her co-star. Sadly not even she can save what was already an underwhelming mess of a film.

Two actors which look like they seem to be enjoying themselves as Geoffrey Rush and Danny Huston. Rush plays the Ron, the town drunkard with a murky past. The character is completely stock but Rush at least looks like he cares about being in the movie as opposed to Bosworth who looks incredibly frustrated for the most part. Like most actors in Hollywood movies, Huston seems to be having a complete ball as The Colonel and had he been in it a little more may have been the only thing to single-handedly save the entire film. Sadly he isn't given enough screen time to do that. Also the film has one of the most surprising casting choices ever.

Ti Lung.

Yes, that one!

He appears in the film as the head of the Ninja clan which Yang had fled. Oh don't worry, the film makers weren't smart enough to give him lots of screen time and well written dialogue. No, they did what any disrespecting Hollywood film would do. Have him appear in short scenes that add sod all to the film's narrative and have a horribly choreographed sword fight with the hero. That's how Hollywood treats legends folks. Kicking him in the balls and having him dance to Justin Beiber while wearing a mankini would have been more dignified.

One can't help but think this film could have been saved if it had been given to a much better director. Sngmoo Lee shows that while he can create a mostly visually pleasing film he can not seem to get good performances from his lead actors or create a film with a tight, well-paced narrative. Speaking of the film's visuals. It seems that the entire thing was shot on a sound stage and uses CGI backgrounds akin to the live-action Sin City which does seem to work more in it's favor as it gives the film an appropriate comic book/anime vibe.

However polishing a turd will only get you so far and not even the martial arts action can help matters. This has to be one of the most lazily choreographed action scenes I've seen this year. Even abominations like Ten Dead Men and Tekken had the decency to have good action. Here we have dull sword play punctuated by slow editing, annoying slow motion and completely devoid of any tension or drama.

If you should ever see a film which sees a popular Asian actor star along side a Hollywood star all the while having a good old adventure fighting dastardly villains and creating a film which is silly overall but incredibly enjoyable then don't watch The Warrior's Way. Instead go watch The Stranger And The Gun Fighter.

Bunraku (2010)

Set in the aftermath of a global war which sees firearms having been outlawed, man with the mysterious name Drifter (Josh Harnett) arrives in town with a plan to take down the city's top boss Nicola The Woodcutter (Ron Perlman) during his quest he teams up with Japanese swordsman Yoshi (Gackt) a Bar Tender (Woody Harrelson) and the three decide to clean up once and for all.

I've had my eye on this movie for a very, very long time mostly because I liked the cast and also because what the movie promised visually intrigued me. The film takes things such as Japanese shadow theatre, German expressionism, Hollywood dance, Chanbara films, comic books, spaghetti westerns and even old school video games and throws it all together in one of the most unique cinematic experiences I've seen in a while.

The story itself is nothing write home about at all. Anybody reading this blog will have seen many movies with the same plot dozens of times and I've said before there's nothing wrong with that. If film makers can bring something original to it then the story hardly matters. Bunraku does that and does it quite well. Director Guy Moshe could have done an absolutely abysmal job of taking all the different visual elements and making a horrendously pretentious borefest but Moshe keeps things well in check and isn't afraid to try something new with what's presented on screen.

Sets are done in a manner which invokes classic German expressionism and classical theater, given the audience the impression they're watching a play as opposed to a feature film. Japanese characters subtitles are done with comic book captions and scene transitions are like your flicking through a pop-up book. Reading that you may be shaking your head and thinking "That sounds ridiculous!" and it is but works, it really does work.

What also makes the film work is the cast that really does seem to be having one heck of a time being in it. Josh Harnett, an actor whose work I greatly admire, revels as Drifter. He plays the character with all the swagger of Clint Eastwood in a Sergio Leone movie and this creates good chemistry with Japanese co-star Gackt who makes an extremely impressive English language debut. His character Yoshi leaps right out of a Kurosawa movie and it would be wonderful to see him get more roles like this even in his native Japan. Ron Perlman, Hollywood's most reliable villain actor delights as Nicola, injecting the character effortlessly with appropriate menace. However one character I wanted to address was that of the bizarre killer Number 2 played by scottish actor Kevin Mckidd.

Mckidd plays the character as if he were Fred Astaire. Only if he had used his talent for dancing to kill people instead of entertaining them. He struts his way through the fight scenes and really makes a unforgettable impression in an already memorable film.

That leads me to talk about the action scenes which are very good. Everybody gives it there all, even Hartnett who has never done action like this before swings his fists in a scene mimicking classic arcade video games. There's also a scene which introduces us to Mckidd's character utilizing sword and dance choreography in a really unique way.

And that's the key word here when talking about a film like Bunraku. Unique. When it comes to film I find it to be a word which gets used way too much and mostly applied to films which don't deserve it but this one does and despite the rather luke-warm reception it has received critically I would definitely urge you all to see it.   

Alien Vs Ninja (2010)

What's this? a new review by me? no, gentle readers you aren't having a brain aneurysm, I have indeed dusted my reviewing hat off (Yes, I own a reviewing hat, picture a dear stalker with viking horns) and I'm going to dive head first back into the fray and do I have a treat for you!

"I can scarcely believe it!"

Neither can I over-excited random fifties woman. Where to start? well, some time ago I stumbled across a trailer on Youtube. A trailer for a movie idea so awesome that it almost made my head explode just from the sheer crazy factor of it. It was a trailer for the movie ALIEN VS NINJA!

When I saw that, I went nuts. It was like a fevered cheese dream had been made real and put onto film. Of course, it was a while before the movie finally saw it's overseas release but the moment that baby hit store shelves, I grabbed my copy and ran home like a hyper-active fat kid chasing after a chocolate cake. Well, not so much ran but caught the bus but anyway, Moving onto the film itself.

Set in ancient Japan (Yet the Ninja have quite modern weapons and armor) the film opens with ninjas doing what ninjas do best, blowing stuff up then getting the hell out of dodge. A small group from the Iga clan are fleeing back to their home after the successful mission where they witness a meteor crashing to the ground. Since the ninja are simple folk they don't concern themselves with it and continue on home. However, the meteor contains a deadly alien creature that's hell bent on destroying everything in their path.

During their trip home we're introduced to the characters, which are pretty much every stock Japanese movie character you can think of. The hot head leader, the stoic best friend, the tom boy female and the annoying tubby one. If you're familiar with a lot of Japanese action movies then you've met these characters many times before. Yet it's all very trivial. After all, you don't watch a film called Alien Vs Ninja expecting to see a deep character study about a group of individuals who've dedicated themselves to what is essentially a nihilistic ideal. 

You watch it to see some good ol' fashioned ass kicking and this movie delivers that in spades. The next day our heroes are training when they stumble upon an injured young man. He tells them of a demon which has wiped out his entire village and upon further investigation of the boy's ramblings they are set upon by the alien. I won't go any further with the plot as that's pretty much the set up but from that point on this film goes from average Japanese action movie to a complete balls out, screw loose acid trip of an experience. Despite the film's obvious low budget, they did a whole lot given what they had. The practical effects are not perfect, the Alien resembles the ones from the well know Hollywood only it looks like it was done a third of the budget.

Still, it just adds to the whole over the top grindhouse vibe it gives off. Of course being an action movie it contains liberals helpings of ninja on extra-terrestrial fighting. The choreography while not all that stylised is fast, slick , practical and competently edited and it's definitely worth checking out. This is a film that has to be seen to be believed and if you've been sitting on the fence about this then jump off that fence, into your neighbor's pool then set fire to his lawn because you really need to give this one a try. 

So that's all I'm gonna say on this one folks. Feels good to be writing again and I hope you found the new style more easy on the eyes. Having read some of my past reviews I've decided to be a little more concise and breaks things up a bit with images and videos to make my posts a little easier to digest rather then posting walls of text. I'll probably write in more detail depending on the film but for now I'm just trying things out.

Stay tuned folks for more reviews (And I mean it this time!)

True Legend (2010)

It's been 14 years since fight choreographer extraordinaire Yuen Woo-Ping has taken to the director's chair and True Legend sees Woo-Ping return to form. True Legend is beyond a doubt the most fight packed film I've seen this year. It seems Woo-Ping really wanted to give his audience their money's worth and he certainly delivers.

True Legend concerns Su Can (Vincent Zhao) a high ranking general who is tipped to be Governor of his home province after rescuing a wealthy prince, much to the intense jealousy of his adoptive brother Yuan (Andy On). Five years later Su is ready to open his new martial arts school with his wife Ying (Zhou Xun) and his son. Word arrives that Yuan will be arriving for the opening and Su's father (Leung Kar-Yan also known to hardcore kung fu fans as Beardy) is excited at the prospect of a family reunion. When Yuan arrives it's obvious he is a changed man and he murders Su's father using the forbidden Five Venom Fists technique. Su tries to stop Yuan but is defeated and is forced to go into hiding with his wife. While recovering, Su hones his skills in the martial arts in hopes that he'll be able to rescue his son and re-establish his name.

So the plot is something that's been done a million times over in hundreds of Kung Fu movies but it's never been that big a deal as long as the fighting is convincing and entertaining. Given the talent involved in this film it definitely meets both those demands and surpasses even my already high expectations I had for this particular film. The fights where over seen by director Woo-Ping, who has been involved with martial arts cinema since the early 70's and has worked with top stars such as Jackie Chan, Jet Li and Donnie Yen and has been involved with big Hollywood productions such as The Matrix Trilogy and the Kill Bill movies. So if anyone was more qualified to put the fights together, he certainly has the credentials.

Woo-Ping gives us a great blend of old-school style choreography with more modern and flashy film techniques but does it in such a way that doesn't distract one from the other. Something most contemporary action films have a nasty habit of doing (See Bourne Trilogy). It also helps that he's jammed in as many fights as he possibly could, it's a safe assumption that you'll be waiting at least no longer then ten minutes before you get to the next action and/or obligatory training sequence. Said training scenes are punctuated by nice supporting roles from Gordon Liu (Pai Mei from Kill Bill Vol. 2) and Jay Chou (Star of the upcoming Green Hornet) who provide our intrepid hero with the motivation to push his skills as a martial arts fighter. It's interesting as it was these particular scenes that were shown in 3D during the film's theatrical run in Hong Kong and it's pretty obvious given how they were filmed and placement of the visual effects but from what I've read the 3D was pretty underwhelming but it's nice to see a veteran such as Woo-Ping experimenting with the technology.

Moving from the top notch action onto the not so bad acting. Leading man Vincent Zhao does a decent job as Beggar Su, while he's certainly not the strongest of actors, he has certainly improved from his embarrassing face pulling he committed in The Blade 15 years earlier. Then again, he has had a long time to hone his craft as he's a popular TV actor in his native China. Zhou Xun by far gives the film's strongest performance, while her character doesn't develop any further then wall flower and damsel in distress, she gives it her all and makes Ying quite a sympathetic character. Villain Andy On, who's on-screen performances have been a bit of a mixed bag ever since he started his film career is surprisingly good, he gives the right level of menace while also giving him a touch of emotion and turns Yuan from stock villain to a man who wants to be ruthless but doesn't want to hurt his family, at least for the most part.

True Legend is one of the most fast paced, action packed and definitely must see martial arts films of 2010 as it offers a great Shaw Brothers vibe while also being able to stand head and shoulders above the recent efforts of a certain Mr. Donnie Yen, who's recent films seem to garner a lot of attention. Go buy the DVD or wait for the Blu-Ray but if you've yet to see this or if this review has convinced you to then what are you waiting for?